This post is dedicated to the single, Nigerian lady who’s about to get swept away in torrents of “Awwww”, “God when”, “God abeg” and mushy, romantic videos on Instagram- and possibly her tears as well- on February 14th. If you know this is you, continue reading.

Either you choose the option of “self-love” and pamper yourself on February the 14th (which is so expensive, ugh! That’s not even an option, please) or you seriously and actively embark on the journey of “bagging” your ideal date, you have got to start putting your plans in place because Valentine’s day is just around the corner o.

Guess what? You’re in luck! You still have a few days to go and with me on your side, we’re gonna get this done, girl! So, let’s dive right into my list on tips for bagging your Valentine date.

#1. Give that guy a chance

Yes, I’m talking to you and yes, I’m talking about that guy. The one who has told you countless times- and anyone else who cared to listen- that he will still marry you las las.

I mean, what other assurance do you need after this sure word of prophecy, Aunty Faith? At least appreciate his tenacity and effort over the years na. Just say ‘yes’ to him first and then later, we can work on those things that made you say ‘no’ consistently before now.

And if you just happen to be unable to keep up with the whole thing by March and decide to break it off, no one can say you didn’t at least try.

#2. Go out more

Sigh. I can’t believe I have to say this, but I need to. You won’t actually meet someone new and cool in your bedroom binge-watching some Netflix series. Oh, you think your potential Valentine date is Timini Egbuson abi?

Can you now see that you are actually the old-looking woman holding the basket that you think they have hidden your potential Valentine date in? My friend, will you get up and leave that bed you’ve been in for the past four days and have your bath! And put some oil on that dry-as-a-bone wig that isn’t even an actual bone straight. Come on, you can do better! Stop declining calls and cancelling outings with your girls or outright dates with Mr Potential o. Slay up and go out some more. You never know when you would have your epic bumping into a random guy on the streets… just like in the movies.

#3. Be realistic in your expectations

Let’s be honest, if everyone picked their partners with such scrutiny as you did, very few (if any at all) people would be in relationships at all!

I mean, it’s good you’re being careful and all, but come on. While I don’t subscribe to settling for less and undervaluing oneself (and I definitely wouldn’t advise you to), you need to understand that many people are still in their potential and formative years. You can’t expect them to have it all figured out in every area. Even you don’t, so don’t expect it from them. This leads me back to my first point again. He might not look like what you want him to look like just now, but if he truly has potential, give that guy a chance. I’m even serious now. Okay? *winks*

4. Pick your ex’s calls

Before you start throwing daggers at me, hear me out. You guys already tried the whole relationship thing and even though it didn’t work out, you must have felt something for each other once. Don’t you think that’s worth fighting for? No, think about it. I would advise you guys to sit down and talk about the whole thing like adults over dinner.

If you guys so happen to pick February 14th, that’s fine. Just hear him out at that dinner at least. Make sure you pick the restaurant sha. So that if you find out later that he’s an actual jerk through and through, the good food will be a worthy compensation. And you still get a valentine date. I dare say it’s a win-win! 😌

5. Get you a ‘Papito

If a shim can do it, surely it can’t be that difficult. Get you a Papito that will spoil you silly and then you would be able to post your own “God when” videos too. The only problem now is that I don’t know where you can get one. You can ask James Brown sha. I’ve given you somewhere to start your search from. You’re welcome.

If after all these there’s still no favourable outcome, I wouldn’t advise you to give up o. But take a break sha. And go off social media during that period because the oppression will be real, my dear. So, leave there, make person no choke you. Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you o.
Na single you single, you no kill person.