Brozay Reveals What Guys Really Do with Their Body Creams

Somebody play us Naira Marley “Soapy”

“Brozay” is a category that delves into the world of men and the things they do, often exploring their secrets and experiences that may not be widely known or discussed. It covers a wide range of topics from relationships, dating, and sex to grooming, fashion, and lifestyle. This category aims to provide insights and perspectives on the male experience and encourage open and honest conversations among men.

Ha Ha! This is us laughing in advance at the look on your face right now. Ehn, yes. This is what you think it is. There’s no rest for the wicked, my brother, stay woke!
Hello ladies and gentlemen, in today’s class, we will be opening your eyes to the ways guys use their Body Cream. Don’t worry, they put it to good use.

We will try to be as descriptive as we can. So, you know how slimy and greasy the body lotion is, we can bet our left eye that 1% of the male human species in this world have used and use body cream the way we’re about to tell you now.

Stay tuned. It goes on everywhere, don’t be fooled. It’s one thing men around the world have in common. It is cheap, nearby, and trusted. Three ingredients are used. For clean guys, a closed door, an open phone or laptop, and tissue paper. For the ‘I don’t care’ dudes, a half-closed door, an open phone or laptop, boxers. We’ll dissect them one after the other.

•  Closed door

even if they are alone in their apartment or parents’ house, a 7th sense still haunts them and makes them close the door to their room or toilet. Some even lock it.

•  Opens phone or Laptop

They are either motivated by a nude photo of whatever gender turns them on, or a pornographic video of people acting it out — most commonly, a sexy girl moaning loudly with ecstasy. The highly imaginative ones use their fantasies to create scenes in their head with that babe for department or grocery store attendant or Sophie, the secretary at work.

• Tissue Paper and Boxers

A few have the dignity of cleaning up with tissue paper folds, most don’t. They just grab the most recent boxer (usually the one they just took off) and clean up with it. And off they go. Life continues.
What is it they do? You ask us.
Well, you know when you get horny and you have no one around you to please you and do all the spicy things you like? Let’s just say guys help themselves. What we’re talking about is just a rod, right? It’s quite easy. The loudness from the porn helps. Take their mind off how weird it might be. And don’t ask us to tell you how they scrub on themselves! Arghh! Use your imagination, will you?
But anyways, there you have it. And as always, you’re welcome. PS: Girls, be careful when you grab his used boxer — trust us, it is literally ‘used’

•  One day off, one day on

That is literally what to call some guys. Or most. So they went body care shopping, landed themselves a buy one get one shaving stick deal for a body cream and boom, our brother now has a body cream. Listen, we know the only time in this life you remember to cream your entire body is when you are going for overnight at a babes side. Na fact be dat. We can’t be fooled. Every other day na christmas. The blood of the lamp is enough for you, inn’t? That’s why our guys will use one body lotion for 2 years. Ahh! The expertise is innerent. But, at least they have one.

• Solomon Grundy

What should we say about the ones that don’t even own a body cream??! Their sweat pores have been on vacation for years. Some are dark, some are fair, and some are white. They have vowed to not go near a body cream — at least not on this planet. Wanna know the funny thing??! Dem always dey handsome, ahh! The relationship between their face and their sweat pores is inversely proportional. Some even invest in facial care products. But you see to buy a body cream, na wahala. They prefer to enter their guy’s room, and nonchalantly use his body cream if babe wan show or important occasion dey. What a pity! We shake head for una.

Are you hurt? Did we say too much? Aww, cutie, that was definitely not our intention. We will always have your best interest at heart and you know that. Ciao! Until we see you next.