Everybody knows Lagos is a crazy place to live in and that the large majority of people living here are wild. The state is the tiniest in Nigeria but it is also the second most populated in the country –I’m not crying-. Regardless of the many opportunities that the state offers, surviving here is one of the hardest things to do but I’ll try to help you with that here. I’ll be sharing with you, 5 tips to survive in Lagos.

1. Don’t stay in/come to Lagos:

This is the simplest tip you will get as it is not possible to have to deal with Lagos’ drama when you’re not in Lagos. Feeling me yet? Igi gogoro ma gun mi loju, ati oke la ti n wo (The best way to avoid trouble is by steering clear of it and observing it from afar). Better safe than sorry. The moment you step into Lag, you will immediately start to feel the craziness and stress. Noise and air pollution na your mate? Friendly advice? Don’t come.

2. Don’t go out:

Another way to survive in Lagos is to sit your pretty a$s at your pretty house. Don’t go anywhere. It will save you from all the drama you might face on the streets of Lagos like agbero harassment, cultist drama, and SARS/police palava. Again, better safe than sorry. The streets are not smiling, they are not out to play with you. If you don’t have an absolutely important and unavoidable reason to go out, it is more than advisable to stay home.

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3. Have money:

“Don’t come.” You said ‘no’’. “Sit at home.” You still said “no”. Now that you’re outside, know that you will spend and the expenses will just keep coming so your only way to survive the Lagos mess you’ve put yourself into is to have ‘bastard’ money. Don’t even attempt to come out with a budget cause you my friend, will get stranded. Make sure your money does not finish because nobody is outside to help anybody but themselves and their families. If your money finishes lasan my guy, you’re finished o. Sapa n payan o! Don’t say nobody warned you.

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4. Your egungun had better be careful:

Now that money is not your problem, you’d better be careful before Lagos makes money your problem again. Pickpockets like those you see in movies like ‘Now you see me’ are plenty on the streets of Lagos. Before you walk 3 steps in some streets, put your hands in your pockets to make sure your belongings are still intact cause if you walk carelessly in places like Idumota market or Computer Village, omo! It might be when it’s time to pay for the goods you came to buy that you’ll realize that someone has cut your pocket and taken the money you put there. Mind the way you use your phones near windows too. The snatchers on the streets of Lagos will give Usain Bolt a headstart and still win the race.

5. Be mad:

“When in Rome, do as the Romans do”. There is no way to sugarcoat it, everybody is mad in Lagos. If you want to survive here, you just have to have at least, a pinch of madness. This is a state where the lawmakers will publicly break the laws and cab drivers will drive on a one way against an incoming trailer. In his defence, he has calculated that he’ll be off that lane before they can collide. You’ll see bike men riding like they’re in a hacked game with infinite extra lives. When Dave said “The truth is madder than fiction”, he was talking about Lagos cause! You’ll hear some personal experiences and you’d complain about how they couldn’t even possibly have happened in a fictional movie but fam! They happened! Sh!t is nuts outhea!

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Lagos is all shades of trouble but, to be honest, it’s a fun place to live in. There’s honest beauty in all the madness. It’s that kind of place where you cannot live in without having fun stories to tell.

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Temidayo Olabiwonninu (Dayz ii) is a mechatronics engineering student with a passion for arts and entertainment. He expresses himself best in music, poetry, and dance.

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