I was dancing around the house with my cleaning playlist on shuffle. I was supposed to be mopping, but anyone watching me from afar wouldn’t think I’m mopping. I was dancing around to Dua Lipa’s dance the night away, as I squeezed the mop, swishing my behind from side to side. A phone call interrupted my groove and I groaned outwardly, reluctant to pick the call.

 

“Can someone please help me check my phone?” I yelled. It was on the dining table, and I knew that my two siblings, Moyin and Mololuwa, were seated there, using their devices. I sighed because it kept ringing, and nobody wanted to bring it. I shrugged and continued mopping. Oh well, that’s too bad for the unlucky caller.

 

My younger brother, Mololuwa finally rushed over with the phone before carefully handing it to me. It stopped ringing by the time he brought it and honestly, if not for the caller’s Id, I wouldn’t have called back. I thanked my brother and left the mop alone, waiting for the person to pick.

 

“Finally, Pipe!” My best friend, Isaac said. I can hear the exasperation in his voice as he continues, “why didn’t you pick your phone?”

 

“Because you don’t normally call.” I said just to be annoying.

 

“Isn’t that more of a reason for you to pick my call?” He snapped.

 

“Calm down, guy,” I laughed, “what’s up with you?”

 

“Admin law result is out.” Isaac said.

 

“Seriously?” I said, my eyes wide with shock. We had been waiting for this particular result for months. The other results had come out about a month after the holiday began but for some reason, the lecturers had delayed with this one. Well, hopefully this will be good, my other results have been good, but I had particular doubts about admin law.

 

“Yes…” Isaac says slowly, as if he had just realized something, “you haven’t checked it yet?”

 

“Ehen nau,” I snapped, “isn’t that obvious?”

 

There was a bit of silence on Isaac’s end and honestly it made me a bit scared. Was he trying to tell me something with his silence? Were the results that bad? What had happened?

 

“Isaac,” I said, “have you seen my result?” I gulped. We knew each other’s matric numbers by heart and would often help each other check from time to time. And the way Isaac was behaving, I honestly didn’t like it.

 

“I think you should check it for yourself.” He said, “the pdf is on the class group chat.”

 

With a pounding heart and my breath held tightly, I unlocked my phone and tapped the WhatsApp icon. I opened my group chat and met at least a thousand messages, all about the result. I decided to go through the messages first to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to see.

 

Aishatt: Omo, this result sweet die ohh

Class rep Esther: Guy dyg?? See as A full everywhere.

 

Remitheking: Are these lecturers dashing mark abi wetin?

 

Aishatt: Are you mad?! Why must you always be so ungrateful? They’re giving us marks and you’re asking useless questions.

 

I scrolled up till I reached the pdf, a little bit happier and eager to see my grade. From the chatter on the group chat I could tell that the results were good and there had been little to no failures. Maybe Isaac was just shocked because I had done so well despite my blackout in the exam hall.

 

“This girl, have you checked it yet?” Isaac asked, displaying his lack of patience.

 

“Calm down, I’m checking it now.” I said as I opened the pdf. As I scrolled and scrolled, searching for my matric number I held my breath, my eyes practically glued to the screen. I was so scared yet hopeful that this would come out well. I finally found my matric number and shakily traced all the numbers with my finger till I reached my grade.

 

19605643…. F

 

F?

 

“Pipe nau, I have something I want to…”

 

“Shit” was all I could manage. I was dead, I was a dead woman walking. My parents had specifically warned me, drilled it into my head that I must score nothing, absolutely nothing less than a B. And here I was with a result that boldly and clearly said F, staring me right in the face.

 

“I’m sorry, Pipe.” Isaac said quietly. I could guess that he had already checked it.

 

“Guy, my parents are going to friggin kill me!” I shouted.

 

Moyin, my sister, left the dining room and walked into the living room before settling on the sofa. One would think she was just randomly moving but this girl was the chair lady of the amebo enterprise of Nigeria. I knew she just wanted to know why I was shouting but I ignored her.

 

“No, they won’t.” Isaac said firmly, “calm down.”

 

“But then I cant calm down, guy,” I said. “How do I even tell them about my result?”

 

“First of all, I need you to sit down.”

 

“But I can’t…”

 

“Go and sit down, Pipe.” He deadpanned. Reluctantly, I walked over to the sofa and sat down beside my sister.

 

“Now,” Isaac said calmly, “I need you to listen to me. You’re going to clean your house. Upstairs downstairs, inside out, upside down, even the toilet. Then, you’re going to cook lunch and dinner. Then, after everything, you’re going to kneel down in front of them. They’ll ask why and you’ll tell them it’s about your result, then you’ll tell them what you got. “

 

“That won’t work, Isaac.” I said. My anxiety was already beginning to wrap its hand steadily around my throat, making it hard to breathe. My heart was pounding and I still wasn’t completely okay. All I could hear was;

 

My parents are going to kill me

 

I’m going to be going to school from home for the rest of my life

 

God, I’m dead. I’m so dead.

 

“Pipe!” Isaac shouted. “Pipe oh!”

 

I shook my head, snapping out of my reverie. I had to calm down somehow, I had to just relax or at least try to. I had to figure out a way to soften the blow that my parents were bound to give me when they found out.

 

“Yeah, I can hear you.”

 

“You’ll be okay, Pipe,” Isaac said. “Don’t think too much about it. Just try to accept everything…”

 

“What did you get?” I asked. In all my panic, I had forgotten to ask Isaac how his result had been. Maybe if I told my parents that all my friends had also failed the course, they’d be a little less angry. Maybe they would even blame the lecturer.

 

“B,” Isaac replied much to my dismay. I sighed before remembering the people I had given a last minute tutorial to. Obviously, they would also have low scores like me, right?

 

“What did Emmanuel, Temi, and Yewande get?” I asked.

 

“They all got As.” Isaac said. My heart sank, and I was convinced that somehow, life had been rigged against me. Because what the heck was this?

 

“What do we even call this?” I asked Isaac. “See finish, shege?”

 

“I really don’t think there’s one word we can use to describe this. But I want you to know that you really tried your best during the exam, despite the black out.”

 

I sighed, his words really didn’t move me right now, “I know, Isaac. I’ll call you later.”

 

“Alright.” He said. I cut the call and just sank back on the sofa. Moyin looked at me and shook her head.

 

“You and that your friend are not smart at all.” She said.

 

“What are you talking about?” I snapped. I didn’t have time for her rubbish right now, I just wanted to cherish the moments of happiness and joy I had left before our parents got back.

 

“You don’t have to tell mum and dad the truth.” She said, “It’s not like they ever ask to see the results. They just take your word for it.”

 

The realization dawned on me. It was true, they never checked the result, they always took my word for it. I could just lie. But then wouldn’t the truth catch up with me later?

 

“Won’t they find out the truth later?” I asked her.

“You can make up for the grade next semester.” She said, “that way, your GP won’t drop too much and no one will ever find out about the F.”

 

I nodded. That actually made sense. I could lie to them and they wouldn’t even suspect a thing. But I had to make sure I fixed everything next semester. I just had to.

 

“Thanks, Moyin. That’s actually not such a bad idea.” I said. She just shrugged and went back to using her phone.

 

Eventually, my parents came back home. I unlocked the door and helped them with all their things. They were settling down in the house when Mololuwa came rushing towards them.

 

“Good afternoon mummy and daddy!” he said with a big smile on his face. My mum was talking to Moyin so she didn’t really hear him, but my dad answered.

 

“Good afternoon, Mololuwa, how are you?” he replied, matching his enthusiasm.

 

“I’m fine, daddy. Guess what?”

 

“What?” he asked.

 

“Pipe failed a subject.” He said with an even bigger smile on his face, “and she was going to lie to you about it.”

 

Okay, there’s nothing you can tell me again. This boy was sent by my enemies to kill me. And life isn’t just unfair, it’s basically fashioned against me.